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Joke of the Day

"My Pops told me that you can't go around trying to save everyone. They have to save themselves. He was a terrible lifeguard."

Next Joke
 
"Who do they get for Babe the pig's dangerous movie scenes? A stunt ham."
"Q: What does a cat sleep on? A: A caterpillow."
"Do infants enjoy infantry... as much as adults enjoy adultery?"
"""Can I help you find something?"" I'm looking for the perfect diamond for my wife that says ""sorry I cheated on you in your dream last nite"""
"noooo lost a drinking game guess i have to drink this alcohol i paid for with full intention of consuming"
"What does a mother use to keep her childrens' toenails soft and smooth? A pedi-file"
"My date seemed really excited when I said I had a horse's cock. For some reason she seemed disgusted when I took it out of the fridge."
"The cheetah is the fastest land mammal right after a politician backpedaling about an opinion he didn't want the public to know about"
"dad: Hand me that Phillips screwdriver me: *looking* dad: Isn't that a Phillips beside you? me: It says ""Craftsman"" dad: me: Are you crying?"