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Joke of the Day

"dad: Hand me that Phillips screwdriver me: *looking* dad: Isn't that a Phillips beside you? me: It says ""Craftsman"" dad: me: Are you crying?"

"I've been dumped by my girlfriend... She found me creepy as I always had to have a name for my penis, oh well, guess I'll have to take Matters into my own hands now."

"What do you call the Dollar Tree stores in Britain? Pound Town"

"Why do the french hate League of Legends? They have to wait 20 minutes before surrendering"

"*beats a guitar hero song on expert mode* *changes Twitter bio to ""musician/songwriter""*"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house. Knock Knock. ""Who's there?"" The chicken."

"I read that 30% of the internet is pornography and that really makes me disappointed in humanity... ...70% of the internet is being completely wasted."

"I'm so sick of all these unfunny dad joke reposts. ""Hi, So Sick of All These Unfunny Dad Joke Reposts. I'm Dad!"""

"My first language is typo."

"What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Felippe Feloppe ... wah wah"