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Joke of the Day
"sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck"
Next Joke
"I figured out a way to chop onions without crying... The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion."
"What do you call a lazy lizard? A procrastigator."
"I lost my mood ring. I'm not sure how I feel about this."
"""I am the perfect age for this shit."" -- Roger Murtaugh, age 22"
"The other day I tweeted about a married black woman hitting on me #blackwivesflatter"
"A man goes to the doctor... ...and the doctor tells him he has dyslexia. The man replies, ""Dyslexia? I just met her!"""
"Where can you go on Reddit to ask questions? Not /r/movies."
"If you were a pole I would dance all over you."
"Why are circles so knowledgeable? Because they have three hundred and sixty degrees."