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Joke of the Day

"The other day I tweeted about a married black woman hitting on me #blackwivesflatter"

"Sometimes I think I want to have a baby but then I wake up the next morning still holding my beer and I think maybe not"

"Q: What does a turkey do when he flies upside down? A: He gobbles up."

"China are probably making all the medals anyway."

"I will show you a picture on my phone, but if you swipe right or left, I will break your finger."

"Why shouldn't you take away a hobos shit? It might be his lunch."

"What do snotty vegetables do when they see something they don't like ? They 'turnip' their noses."

"Some of the best things in life...are mistakes."

"[on the phone with wife] Honey, who do you like better, Hulk Hogan or Jafar from Aladdin? ""Tell me why."" [winks at tattoo artist] No reason."

"Did you hear about the birds who wanted to go out drinking? They ended up at the crowbar."