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Joke of the Day

"What did the defendant say when he saw his picture hung up in the courtroom? I've been framed."

"I wonder if giraffes can eat so much their stomach explodes bc they just don't know it right away cuz it's in their neck for so long. What."

"I Don't Nap Because I Have Tentonitish I fall asleep around 2 and don't wake up till ten tonightish"

"How many countries border Germany? Nein!"

"Just heard a little kid tell his dad he was a lion and his dad said ""Wow!"" What a fucking pair of idiots."

"If we all just agree that we're fine, we'll never again have to ask each other how we are."

"The company that makes the Opera browser have asked Sir Patrick Stewart to redesign their logo They want him to make its O."

"""911, what's your emerg-"" ""The women at work have synced their uteri and it's Hell"" ""Sir uteri is not plural for ute-"" ""TAMPI EVERYWHERE"""

"I dropped my phone when my friend accidently bumped my arm. It didn't break but for a moment I saw her whole life flash in front of my eyes."

"TIL Harriet Tubman wasn't a real person. It was just what the slaves shouted to each other on the Underground Railroad, ""Hurry it up, man!"" Credit: my wife"