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Joke of the Day

"TIL Harriet Tubman wasn't a real person. It was just what the slaves shouted to each other on the Underground Railroad, ""Hurry it up, man!"" Credit: my wife"

"How do you make a racing snail faster? I tried taking his shell off but it only made him more sluggish."

"What would you call it if pigs were flying yesterday? Swine flu"

"I dont have a ""college fund"" bc my youngest will most likely get a scholarship and my oldest thinks all dogs are boys and all cats are girls"

"[wife walks in on me showering] ""Why are you wearing swim trunks?"" No reason. [she glares at me] SO MY TEMPORARY TATTOOS DON'T COME OFF OKAY"

"Why should you always take at least two Baptists fishing? Because if you take one, he'll drink all your beer"

"Why does a barber never shave a man with a wooden leg? Because he always uses a razor."

"To err is human; to moo bovine."

"Why do ghosts say booOoOoo? Because they are disappointed in you..."

"Me: It's late. I guess I'll go to bed. -My brain, who up until now has always been the logical one ""Let's put up a tent in the living room"""