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Joke of the Day

"if God exists it's probably a woman no man holds a grudge for this long"

"OUR KID WAS SOAKING WET WHEN YOU BROUGHT HIM HOME FROM SCHOOL! Me: [water pouring from backseat] Listen, this car pool thing was your idea"

"I'll never forget my grandfather's last words Stop shaking the ladder, you little bastard!"

"I wanted to make a joke about quantum superpositions But I couldn't decide on one."

"What do you call a murderer who pours their mike before the cereal? A cereal killer!"

"At first I wondered why the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me."

"To best understand men, you need to grasp the following: 1. They think with their pen!s 2. They wanna fix everything 3. They wanna fix everything with their pen!s"

"Whoever named the seesaw probably didn't get another chance to name stuff."

"Your personality finally matches your looks. That's not a compliment."

"Oh thank God (what I think every time I enter an public restroom that's empty)"