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Joke of the Day

"Your personality finally matches your looks. That's not a compliment."

"I hired a hitman to kill the wife. He said, I'll shoot her just below the left nipple. I replied, I want her dead, Not fucking kneecapped"

"She was upset when I gave her 4 quarters rather than dollar... It has the same value. It doesn't make any cents."

"Did you hear about the American Athlete who was stripped of all her medals? When Olympic officials tested her urine, they found traces of Lance Armstrong."

"If I have an addiction to masturbation And I suddenly develop it into an addiction to sex, does that mean my addiction is getting out of hand?"

"What do you find in a cloud's shorts? Thunderpants!"

"What did the blind guy say to the deaf guy? I hear what your saying, but I don't see your point"

"I asked my Chinese girlfriend for a 69 last night. She said 'Fuck off, I'm not cooking at this time of night'"

"Trump & Hillary Hillary hides her emails because she has Trumps nudes."

"Neuroscientists have discovered a commonly-consumed food which nearly eliminates the female sex drive. Wedding cake."