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Joke of the Day

"A guy goes to a five dollar lady of the night.. and he gets crabs. So, the next day he goes back to complain. And the woman says ""Hey. It was only five dollars. What did you expect? Lobster?"""

"Someone once told me I'm a sociopath. I'm not sure how I feel about it."

"The key to Simon & Garfunkel's success was that one was big and one was small. Before, duos were always the same size. They changed the game"

"""Ohana"" means family, and family means that no Monopoly game can ever finish well."

"Did you hear about the popular underwear campaign? It was briefly successful"

"This fall on Fox: X-Files Babies. Baby Skully and Baby Mulder meet at a petting zoo when they both get knocked over by the same goat."

"I've just found my iPhone autocorrects ""cunt"" to ""Cynthia."" Which means somewhere in Steve Jobs' past is a woman with one HELL of a story."

"Kanye West said being a rapper is like being a soldier or a cop but hey at least he didn't compare himself to Jesus. Oh wait."

"If Shakespeare were alive today, he'd write a tragedy about the fate of the single French fry that comes with every order of onion rings."

"I call my kettle Jim Carey, because it brews-all-my-tea."