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Joke of the Day

"I've just found my iPhone autocorrects ""cunt"" to ""Cynthia."" Which means somewhere in Steve Jobs' past is a woman with one HELL of a story."

"There's a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work"

"I'm like a reverse MacGyver. I can take a perfectly working item, step on it drunk, then turn it into dozens of unusable, meaningless parts."

"I'm not racist, but black people sure were nicer before the civil rights movement."

"How many pepes does it take to change a lightbulb? One."

"Q: what is the scariest religion? A: boo-dism. Im kidding its all of them haha"

"Dentist: Don't worry. I'm painless. Patient: I'm not."

"[walking around still disappointed 6 hours after visiting an aquarium] wife: what did you think a tiger shark was, brent"

"*Cooks dinner for family* Gets arrested for attempting to cause great bodily harm"

"Went to an Indian restaurant last night The waitress asked me ""Was the curry ok sir"" I said ""Ok. One song then you can piss off"""