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Joke of the Day

"I've just found my iPhone autocorrects ""cunt"" to ""Cynthia."" Which means somewhere in Steve Jobs' past is a woman with one HELL of a story."

"Six year old just gave me these gems What do you call a dog with a stain on his fur? Spot. What do you call a dog who lays on a golf course? Ruff. What do you call a dog who just got run over? Rhody."

"Why shouldn't you take your clothes off while riding the elevator? It could get you an in descent exposure charge."

"The thing about bird jokes are... sometimes they're hard to swallow. Owl let myself out."

"""well i asked asked her to move in after 3 months but i don't think-"" [cop interrupts me] do you know how fast you were going IN YOUR CAR"

"Im the guy that says ""Is he bothering you?"" when some douche is hitting on you, just so I can hang around and bother you after he goes away."

"Classic Russian Reversal Old one, but I still find it funny: In America, you go out to find a party. In Soviet Union, party finds you!"

"Q: If called to testify in a trial how long will it before before Clinton commits perjury? A: When he's sworn in."

"What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? You don't cry when you chop up a hooker."

"Doctor: ""Why is my waiting room empty?"" Judge: ""I hauled everyone off to court"" Doctor: ""You're trying my patients"""