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Joke of the Day

"How much longer? Did you bring any snacks? They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet? - me watching my kids Christmas pageant"

"I'm just me looking for fun"

"What did batman say to robin? Q. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? A. ""Get in the car, Robin"" Source http://badkidsjokes.tumblr.com/"

"Me: Go to bed 5-year-old: One more question Me: Fine 5: Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter? Me 5: Me: Get some coffee"

"""Mickey Mouse, it says here that you want to divorce Minnie because she was... extremely silly?"" ""No, I said she was fucking Goofy."""

"Who loves fast food? Jared fogle"

"When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: ""What is courage?"" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top."

"I could never become a vetanarian. That job takes balls!"

"According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up."

"Twitter: where 20-year standup comedy vets get out-funnyed by accountants, college kids, junkies, & unemployed single moms on a daily basis."