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Joke of the Day

"How much longer? Did you bring any snacks? They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet? - me watching my kids Christmas pageant"

"[7am] *drinks 19 cups of coffee for work *can't stay awake [9pm] *takes a sip of coffee [2am] I should vacuum the dog"

"Have you heard about the new Exorcist movie? The mother calls the Devil to pull the priest out of her son."

"There are three types of people in this world Those who can count And those who cannot count"

"What does Jeremy Clarkson and Amy Winehouse have in common? They both used to be on top gear."

"I want to make a BDSM joke but I keep getting tied up on the punchline"

"Hitler was a keen golfer..... He even wrote a book on it, it was titled 'How to get out of a bunker with one shot.'"

"How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll post the answer in the comments."

"Why was Hillary Clinton running for President? Because it's easier than running from Law Enforcement."

"if you stabbed me i would probably bleed pizza sauce."