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Joke of the Day

"Me: Go to bed 5-year-old: One more question Me: Fine 5: Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter? Me 5: Me: Get some coffee"

"Walked into the gym and did 1 push up in front of everyone, then ripped off my shirt and walked out grunting 'You did it. You did it.'"

"What's Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable? Barackoli."

"It would be so much more ""festive"" if UPS and FEDEX guys dressed as Santa while delivering packages during the holiday season"

"I ordered a book on near death experiences. The anticipation almost killed me."

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? Two... One to beat the the room for being black and the other to beat the switch for being broke."

"My new girlfriend just gave me her number i"

"Apparently, if she's refused to speak to you for two days your text should not be 'Why are you mad again?'"

"The Japanese soccer team visits an orphanage in Spain. ""It's so sad to see the hopeless looks on their faces"", said Rico, age 6."

"Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milk shakes? Because he uses the finest ingredients."