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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a snake that studies past events? A HISSSSStorian."

"My parents once sent me abroad for the summer I didn't learn a thing from her."

"Two snowmen are standing in a field One snowman says to the other, ""Do you smell carrots?"""

"How can you tell if a shark has dandruff? He left his head and shoulders on the beach."

"I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with marijuana today. To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times."

"If you love something, let it go. Let it run until it reaches the invisible wall & the shock collar you attached to it's ankle cripples them"

"I take spiders outside in stead of killing them because it's not their fault that I'm scared of them. I do however, scream while doing so."

"Ran out of time At work today a coworker said to me... Coworker: I was goin to make a smoothie for breakfast but I ran out of time . Me: You put thyme in your smoothie ?! ."

"Why can't youplay UNO with Mexicans? Because they'll take all of your green cards."

"All conspiracy theories are false. They're cooked up by the government to distract people from what they're doing."