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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell if a shark has dandruff? He left his head and shoulders on the beach."

"50% of Asians have cataracts. The other 50% drive rinkins."

"Removing her clothes"

"What do you call a Nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile"

"Q: Why are the citizens of Damascus so solemn when talking about oil? A: Because it's Syria's business. (cross-post from /r/funny by request)"

"""sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?"" ""officer, I'm..."" *turns to camera* ""double jointed"" *cop starts breakdancing*"

"The most tedious aspect of my job is the part where I have to jiggle the mouse every 30 minutes to keep the screensaver from activating."

"Why don't mexicans have barbeques? the beans keep slipping through the grill."

"me: I know it's over, but can I have one last hug? Please? Him: *moves closer. stops & sniffs* omg are you covered in superglue?"

"My grandma has been lying to me for years. A watched pot really does boil. Moral of the story, trust no one."