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Joke of the Day

"So an outstandingly goofy and silly monkey farts and backflips to a store with fruit. He's going BANANAS!"

"I think I might be a nihilist... not that it matters..."

"My girlfriend made me watch a movie with her about how women struggled during their menstrual cycles in the 18th century. It was a period piece"

"What's 6 inches long hard, bent, and in my pants? My iPhone 6"

"My son would have been 16 today... It's too bad he died after being caught in my wife's bed."

"Wifey put some girly glitter soap in the bathroom. This morning I look like I either just came from the strip club, or showered with Ke$ha."

"Receptionist: So you're here about your carpal tunnel huh..fill out these 20 forms and press hard so the copies are clear"

"curiousity killed the cat but it also got my penis stuck in the vacuum"

"It's not true that a married man will live longer than a single man It just seems longer"

"need to find a better way to trick my dog into taking his medication bc the last 2 times he tricked me into taking it"