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Joke of the Day

"My friend said he froze himself and as a result his testicles were at -273.1 degrees Celcius... Absolute bollocks"

"With all of this technology, you would think we would have exercise equipment that simulated scenes from Jurassic Park to actually motivate my ass to run."

"A guy is lying on a field. There's a backpack lying on his back, and a lot of flies are flying around. What's in the backpack? A parachute."

"A woman asked a female doctor if she had aids ... ""Yes, I do. They're busy now, but they'll be with you shortly."""

"What changes faster than technology? Taylor Swifts boyfriend"

"Knock knock...... Who's there? One Two. One Two Who? THAT'S ONE TO MANY QUESTIONS OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR"

"me [filing a claim with the insurance company after the basement flooded] We had a pony down there too"

"Why was the lightning bug unhappy? Because her children were not very bright."

"Why do teenage girls travel in odd numbered groups? Because they can't even."

"The vet told me ""I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put your dog down..."" ""Oh God!"" I said. ""WHY?!"" ""Because my arms are getting tired."" he said."