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Joke of the Day

"There's a woman with a colostomy bag. Her boyfriend says he wants to fuck her in the pooper... Which hole does he use?"

"Why did Lebron leave Miami? Because he just couldn't stand the heat"

"Last night I had sex with not one, not two, but zero people."

"Hardcore I've just changed my first nappy. My wife doesn't like me wearing them but since I bought Call of Duty it means I get more game time."

"It's odd how they name storms, but they don't name calms. There's a gentle breeze this morning. I think I'll call him Doug."

"2:40 is the opposite of 4:20 If you wake up at 2:40 you're in rehab and detoxing."

"[speed dating] I enjoy gardening. I've got a bit of a green thumb. Actually several of my fingers are discolored. I think I have diabetes."

"WAITER: How is everything? ME: Soul crushing and void of meaning W: I meant your meal M: Soul crushing, void of meaning, and needs salt"

"Sometimes I like to pretend an ! is just a ? squeezing through a tight space."

"Why did the man marry a monkey? Because he wanted a PRIME-MATE! sorry ...sorry twice if this is an old joke"