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Joke of the Day

"Why is everyone worried about meteors instead of the possibility that Russia just got their own Superman?"

"Me to 4 yr old niece: your shoes are on the wrong feet Niece looks down and says: I don't have any other feet Outsmarted again."

"I've started calling my penis ""Elbow"" Because it's hard, flexible, and it's rude to have it out on the table during dinner"

"Today I popped a G string while fingering a minor. I'm going to the violin repair shop tomorrow."

"Two jihadists walks into a gay bar.... Needless to say, they had a huge blast"

"Nothing makes a friendship more awkward than saying ""Cute doggie"" and realizing it's their kid"

"I was banging a retarded girl last night... She didn't want me to finish in her mouth, so I shot my load on the window and let nature take its course."

"The real reason Jesus died The criminal before him suffered from a deadly skin condition. Jesus died from cross-contamination"

"launch my dead body into space but not too far away. if my calculations are correct, i will win the public pool splash contest in 2076"

"""She had a heart of gold."" - autopsy report"