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Joke of the Day

"Nothing makes a friendship more awkward than saying ""Cute doggie"" and realizing it's their kid"

"The worst time to find out your parents are dead is probably right after you've taken a large hit from helium balloon."

"Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, your pets in tupperware, your grandad in a crockpot and your mother in law in a ziplock bag."

"What's the powerful weapon in Greenland's arsenal? The Nuuklear Bomb"

"I need to make a change. I haven't given a fuck my entire life. I'm still a virgin."

"How do you call a USB stick in Russia? A put-in"

"what did the kiwi statue said to the other kiwi statue? statue bro?"

"My favorite Skrillex song is the one where he drops a spoon into the garbage disposal and steps on a cat's tail."

"While sitting on the beach, 16 told me he is going to go under the pier with his girlfriend and catch crabs. They grow up so fast."

"My wife thinks I'm cheating on her with our babysitter... I think she's just bitter because she's never been able to have kids..."