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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a lobster with implants and an old, dirty bus stop? One's a busty crustacean and one's a crusty bus station."

"Why can Egyptian crocodiles never admit when they are wrong? They're always in de Nile."

"Why do blondes have ""TGIF"" on the front of their shirts? **T**its **G**o **I**n **F**ront"

"Sometimes when I'm sitting in a swivel chair, I'll turn around quickly and smile and pretend I'm in the opening credits of a sitcom"

"What do we want? TO BE LESS INSECURE? When do we want it? NOW! Um, I think... Soon, I guess? Is that weird? When do people usually want it?"

"Vegetarian is an ancient Native Indian word meaning ""bad hunter""."

"Playing Trivial Pursuit with Grandma: ""Name an animated character dedicated to cleaning up the planet, who loves Eva?"" Nana: ""Hitler."""

"So I heard Lena Dunham has a new show coming out... It's called Sister, Sister."

"Do you know what it means to come home to a man who'll give you a little love, a little affection, and a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house!"

"And after I smoked the medicinal marijuana, I ate three tubes of medicinal chocolate chip cookie dough."