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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes when I'm sitting in a swivel chair, I'll turn around quickly and smile and pretend I'm in the opening credits of a sitcom"

"Girl Dance Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet."

"What did the chick pea say when it got a stomach ache? I falafel."

"Exactly 4 years ago, I asked my college crush out. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"if a picture's worth a thousand words, the people posting photos on twitter are going over by 860 characters"

"Boys go to Mars to get more candy bars. Girls go to Venus to get more penis."

"I don't get scatological humor. That shit isn't funny to me."

"What's the difference between tired and exhausted? When you run in front of a car you get tired. When you run behind a car you get exhausted."

"""The iPad is a bigger version of the iPod touch.""Yep, and my dick is a bigger version of urs.Think about that while I go do big dick things."

"If you asked Jesus on the cross what he wanted the holiday marking his death to be called, ""Good Friday"" would not have leaped to his mind."