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Joke of the Day

"[orders pizza] Would you also like our cheesy bread, comes with sauce? Are you trying to sell me a side of pizza with my pizza? 2 please."

"How long is a chinese person So is his brother."

"Pizza burnt the inside of my mouth and I don't understand why the things I love most keep hurting me"

"How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room because its black"

"After 30 years I still can't figure out how to pronounce ""I'm a lesbian"" so it doesn't sound like ""keep bothering me."""

"""Can you believe I got something decent at a piece of shit store like Sears?"" - every Sears commercial"

"Working at the aluminum recycling plant is the saddest job I've ever had... ... It's just soda pressing."

"I'm like a reverse MacGyver. I can take a perfectly working item, step on it drunk, then turn it into dozens of unusable, meaningless parts."

"I don't need a football game to get drunk and scream at my television."

"Why did the mermaid wear SeaShells? Because she outgrew her B-Shells. Ha..."