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Joke of the Day

"Working at the aluminum recycling plant is the saddest job I've ever had... ... It's just soda pressing."

"""Please refrain, Angry God, from using the Newspaper of Doom"" the Spider King cries as he orders another sacrifice into your sleeping mouth"

"Being the President is seriously stressful. Kennedy lost his mind!"

"What did the 0 say to the 8? ... Hey, nice belt.."

"Roses are red violets are take your clothes off"

"Soon as I finish untangling these earphones I'm goin to google who made them & I'm going to ask them to invent shoelaces that tie themselves"

"Yo mamma's so fat... that she takes selfies in panorama mode"

"I only date black chicks cause I hate meeting fathers.."

"Whats the difference between a woman and a feminist? A woman can understand irony and satire without being offended."

"How do you piss of an archaeologist? Hand him a tampon and ask what period it's from."