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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell if someone who's just had a perm is on the phone? You get a frizzy signal!"

"if it's not a failure it sucks ass"

"That awkward moment when you die, and all you were trying to do was take a selfie with a lion on a jungle safari.."

"The number 13579 walks into a bar... barman says ""sorry, can't serve you, you're too odd"""

"When I grow up I want to be a fire truck... I want to be big, red and have 8 men in me at once"

"I'm never at a loss for words when I'm drunk. I just can't pronounce most of them and I make up three or four new one's."

"What do you call a retarded kid with no arms and one leg. Names."

"A co-worker is retiring, so they're passing a card around filled with cash. I only took $10 but normally my signature is worth much more."

"I want to sleep my way to the top. Like with actual sleep. Wake me when I've conquered."

"Why is it called almond milk? ""Nut juice"" wasnt very popular."