20806

Joke of the Day

"Putting up Christmas decorations was a bad idea. I'm drunk and stuck on top of the house with an inflatable Easter Bunny."

"I kept trying to think of puns about the eye during my biology lesson, when we dissected one. To be honest, they kept getting cornea and cornea...."

"I'm no computer expert, but spreadsheets are really where I Excel"

"Hallmark Card: ""I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."""

"I forgot how to throw a boomerang And then it came back to me"

"Bon Iver just walked into my Starbucks. Wait nope just a super sad cat."

"How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate its tits a lot"

"What's the only animal with a cunt on its back? A police horse."

"The most annoying thing about being a necrophiliac... Is that your girlfriend never returns your calls."

"Sometimes I think I should try to be a better person, but then I remember I'm good-looking, so I'm, like, nah."