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Joke of the Day

"I had coffee with Red Bull this morning... After about 10 minutes on the highway, I realized I left my car at home."

"When I stay at a man's house that I want to see again I always ""accidentally"" lose something there, like my phone, my sweater, or my dignity."

"I bought my friend an elephant for his room... He said, ""Thanks"". I said, ""Don't mention it""."

"Why do Jewish bachelors like latina women? Because they like to fool around with Chicsas before they marry. (A shiksa is a gentile woman)"

"[date] Her: so you're a mathematician? Me: no actually I'm a *pythagorean doves fly out of my sleeve and hit her in the face* mathemagician"

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly your cock down a cheerleader's throat"

"A baby seal walks into a bar. The bartender says ""what'll ya have"" Seal replies ""Anything but Canadian Club."

"Two fish are in a tank. One fish turns to the other and says ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"" The other fish says ""Holy shit a talking fish!"""

"My career as a karate instructor was tragically curtailed when parents found out I was wholly unqualified & just enjoyed kicking children."

"Daylight robbery... I got robbed today at Shell gas station. I called the cops, and they asked if I knew who did it. I said, ""Yeah, pump 6."""