18995

Joke of the Day

"When I stay at a man's house that I want to see again I always ""accidentally"" lose something there, like my phone, my sweater, or my dignity."

"""Rock. Paper. Scissors."" - terrible surgeon"

"What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair."

"Space Cat: *furious as he knocks items off of a shelf and they just float in place, mocking him*"

"Who needs Black Friday... when you have Mike Brown Monday?"

"OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!"

"I wonder if Eric Clapton really thought she looked Wonderful or was it just the 20th outfit she'd tried & he just wanted to get to the party"

"My friend came over and left his laptop on the floor. My mother thought it was a scale. Conclusion: My mother weighs 950 dollars."

"*puts on shirt* *notices shirt has OBVIOUS stain* *takes off shirt* *hangs back up for future attempt at wearing shirt*"

"To anyone who might want to try homebrewing: Trust me, it's wort your while."