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Joke of the Day

"Daylight robbery... I got robbed today at Shell gas station. I called the cops, and they asked if I knew who did it. I said, ""Yeah, pump 6."""

"Thanks for the heart attack, Chinese menu under the door while I'm watching a scary movie."

"'911 HELP SOMEONE BROKE INTO MY HOUSE' uh ok, wow. not loving your tone. why don't you hang up, lose the 'tude and lets try that again, pal"

"So today I got tickets for the Kanye West concert... I misread it horribly though and I ended up somewhere in Africa"

"What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything."

"A man walks into the bar But fails since he was too busy drinking through law school"

"Let me put things into perspective for you. persp(things)ective"

"I can eat an untied shoe lace and poop it out tied I shit you knot!"

"How Many Friend Zoned Men Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb? None, they just all stand around complaining that it won't screw!"

"What do books have that Mexicans don't? Papers."