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Joke of the Day

"Two fish are in a tank. One fish turns to the other and says ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"" The other fish says ""Holy shit a talking fish!"""

"There are 2 kinds of people in this world; 1. People who like math A. People who hate math 3. People who really don't understand math"

"Daddy, where do oranges come from? Well son, when a red and a yellow really love each other..."

"Watching Finding Dory & her parents call her ""cupcake."" How do they know what that is? This movie doesn't seem very realistic, you guys."

"My five year plan? I don't even have a five minute plan."

"[God creating me] And then we sprinkle in just a touch of anxiety [the lid pops off and the whole jar spills in] [God shrugs] He'll be fine"

"My Dyslexic Cat thinks she has "" P "" no. of lives."

"German girlfriend My german girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10. Last night we tried anal. She kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done."

"I bought my girlfriend a new LOTR themed sex toy... ... It's called Dildo Shaggins"

"""SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP"" I yell at the neighbor I can hear vacuuming at 1pm in the afternoon."