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Joke of the Day

"There were hookers talking... Asked the one hooker the other: What do you ask from Santa Claus this year? Oh, just 50 dollars, like always."

"What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning? He was conducting."

"How does a mustache support his family in the event of his untimely death? By investing in a shavings account."

"[feeding baby] Here comes the plane! *baby swallows food* wow you just ate everyone on board. way to go you little jerk"

"[NSFW] I have a real passion for bat guano... You could say I'm bat shit crazy"

"Why did the hipster only listen to dead musicians? So he could say he listened to them when they were underground."

"I feel a spree coming on. It's either shopping or killing, I haven't decided yet."

"Why does the average person all the sudden become a tomato juice drinking weirdo on an airplane?"

"What do you call a french person masturbating? Jacques-ing off."

"Forget the Home Alone parents forgetting their kid. Why the hell do they own a bunch of mannequins?"