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Joke of the Day

"How does a mustache support his family in the event of his untimely death? By investing in a shavings account."

"Jay-Z has an underachieving brother named Lay."

"Colleagues who feel the need to say ""You either love me or hate me!"" are oblivious to the fact that it's always the latter."

"Women are like grapefruit trees. They ignore me."

"The Starbucks in my town just hired a Jewish barista... He brews."

"[Jogs to a halt in front of you minutes after a fire truck passes]That guy's (panting) never gonna sell any fire (panting) driving that fast"

"Our sex.. Would be a lot like eating caterpillars, a little awkward at first but totally worth it once butterflies sprayed out my butt. Top this pickup line so I can steal it and use it later."

"*installs google translate* *looks at Arabic tweets for jokes to steal* *finds half my tweets doing better than mine*"

"How many plates do you need to draw a picture? Tenplates"

"I don't care what the FBI says, America's most wanted still sounds like an honor."