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Joke of the Day
"I rarely eat kale chips, but when I do-I eat them condescendingly and self-righteously."
Next Joke
"I can give you the reason for anaphylactic shock in a nutshell."
"Reporter: Russell Wilson, do you want another Superbowl ring? Wilson: Nah I'll pass."
"Why do mice have tiny balls? Not very many of them know how to dance"
"Knock knock. Whose there? 9/11 9/11 who? You said you'd never forget!"
"If you are afraid of pedophiles... ...Grow up!"
"How many optimists does it take to change a light bulb? Who says it's dark?"
"Hey, did you say that your dog likes to 'exercise' or 'exorcise'? [dog is already throwing holy water around the house]"
"I just hired a new employee and he claimed it has been months since his last bowel movement. Needless to say one way or another, he's full of shit."
"[a spider watching soccer when someone kicks a ball into the net] hell yeah, now eat it"