20524

Joke of the Day

"Rednecks What do you call a redneck virgin? A 10 year old girl who can run faster than her brother and father"

"""Owen, you must hide this baby, at all costs, from Anakin Skywalker."" ""Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?"" ""Seems fine."""

"When a movie says ""Based on a true story."" it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people."

"I love babies cause they just cry upon waking up and it's so honest"

"I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It's like they don't know I plan on cropping them out later."

"Welcome to White Privilege 101, if you have no idea why you're here that's exactly why you're here."

"There are two muffins in an oven. The one muffin says to the other one, ""Woah, a silent muffin!"""

"A sandwich walks into a bar... the bartender says: ""Sorry, we don't serve food here."""

"I just gave my cat some 7UP. Now he's got 16 lives."

"Hate to brag, but a cute fireman gave me his number today. It's only 3 digits & he said it's only for emergencies, but I know what he meant"