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Joke of the Day

"""Owen, you must hide this baby, at all costs, from Anakin Skywalker."" ""Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?"" ""Seems fine."""

"Remember: no matter how bad your situation and how hopeless you feel there is always someone doing way better than you"

"Rick Astley will let you borrow any Pixar movie in his collection... But he's never gonna give you Up."

"You go to the ballet and you see girls dancing on their tiptoes. Why don't they just get taller girls?"

"Over the years, my sexual fetishes have been getting more perverse But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realized I hit rock bottom"

"God gave me a choice when I was born: a good memory or a big dick. I don't remember which one I chose."

"What goes ""knio knio?"" A backward pig."

"So I was fucking my sister... ...and she stops me and says, ""Wow you fuck just like Dad."" I said, ""Yeah, that's what Mom tells me."""

"What's the difference between a bomb vest and a feminist? A bomb vest does something when it's triggered."

"I had a dream where I was a car muffler... It was exhausting."