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Joke of the Day

"There are two muffins in an oven. The one muffin says to the other one, ""Woah, a silent muffin!"""

"My fake ID's finally ready. Can't wait to order off the kids' menu!!"

"Thor is definitely one of my top 5 favorite movies about hammers."

"I had my hepatitis test today.... I did pretty well! I had one A, two B's, and a C! Edit: word"

"I just googled ""Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don't Fear the Reaper?"" and my first response was, ""Go outside and do something."""

"You know those orange cones they put on the road for you to knock over? Totally just beat my previous high score."

"My wife is so skilful... My wife is so skilful she can say ""No"" in thousand different ways. Without even speaking."

"What do you call Atheism? A non-prophet organization."

"School report My hot history teacher told me I have to give her a one on one report on 'deep throat'. Long story short I got expelled and btw what the fuck is 'watergate'?!?!?!"

"Mother: A carrot is just a vegan hotdog. *son looks at carrot* Mother: [desperate] Bugs Bunny eats them! Son: This is updoc. Mother: What's-"