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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy ...and my face smashes right into the mirror."

"Pool donations A man came to my door Asking for donations towards the local swimming pool So I peed in it."

"Sometimes I wish I was a cat just so I can constantly ignore everything said to me while licking the inside of my thigh."

"There's a dead squirrel in the driveway. Mrs. Liebowitz is worried that the death might be gang-related. She's checking FOX News to be sure."

"Q: When is a car not a car? A: When it turns into a parking lot."

"People always say, ""Its the little things in life you treasure""... But whenever I'm naked, girls always laugh."

"I'm a narsciic- narcssiss- narcasassi- narcysis-narcis- I'm better than you."

"2 scientists walk into a bar... The first one says ""I'll have some H2O"", the second one says ""I'll have some H2O too"". The bartender looks at them and says ""Are you two idiots talking about water?"""

"Things will never get better until you make the conscious decision to lower your standards."

"Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and body-slam them for maximum impact."