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Joke of the Day

"There's a dead squirrel in the driveway. Mrs. Liebowitz is worried that the death might be gang-related. She's checking FOX News to be sure."

"At first I was shocked by how graphic the sex scenes in Rise of the Planet of the Apes was.... Then I realized I was watching Interracial Gangbangs part 7"

"I bought an iBoat and it's syncing!"

"Wife: ""Tony is coming round"" Me: ""Charity collector Tony or Mafia boss Tony?"" Tony: ""I'm here for the money."" *DRAMATIC CLIFFHANGER*"

"If you're having bow problems I feel bad for you son. I dodged 99 arrows but my knee took one."

"I hate to brag, but several ladies just asked me if I wanted a date. On multiple street corners."

"Ouch! I stubbed my butt hole..."

"What did the body-building priest say after he was caught eating all the communion? I was putting on Mass."

"New sexual position: The Canada. You climb on top and don't do much."

"*birds dress Cinderella for school* *gets to school, goes into bathroom* *buncha rabid squirrels gather and re-dress her in goth shit*"