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Joke of the Day

"Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don't like on"

"""Hold the mayo"" is my ""shaken, not stirred."""

"Q: What time do kids need naps? A: At whine o'clock."

"Why didn't Harry Potter want to date Hermione? Because he likes to Hit it and Quidditch"

"If another woman steals your man, there's no better revenge than to let her keep him. Real men can't be stolen."

"""Hey bro can you leave me some of the snack? You're eating way too much."" I said ""sure"", then proceeded to put the cat down."

"The only thing I can fix in this world tonight is another drink."

"damn girl are you calculus because I have no idea what youre talking about"

"Two computers were having sex All you could hear was 0 0 0 0 0 0"

"Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces"