205104

Joke of the Day

"""Hold the mayo"" is my ""shaken, not stirred."""

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"On a scale of 3 to orange, How octupus is your jam sandwitch?"
"Helen Keler walked into a bar then a table.....then a chair."
"Most days I wish I were an octopus so I could slap 8 people at once."
"What's Donald Trump's favorite kind of milk? 1%"
"Guns don't kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people."
"A super villain gently petting a carpet sample instead of a cat."
"I went to the doctor last week for a bad headache When he reached for his pen to write my prescription, he pulled out a rectal thermometer. ""Shit"", he said, ""Some asshole has my pen."""
"Why did the hipster drown in the lake? Because he went ice skating before it was cool."
"My uncle the rabbi only tips 10% And a I mean always! He does that shit religiously!"