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Joke of the Day

"Dreaming you're peeing can be a very dangerous dream."

"Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke's still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, ""Use the forks, Luke."""

"What is heavy forwards and not backwards? ton"

"Me at 7PM: Man I'm so sleepy. Can't wait to get to bed... Me at 12AM: I'M GONNA STAY UP DOING SHIT ON THE INTERNET TIL 4AM!! YEAH!"

"I will never trust a poster who claims to be an obstetrician. Because OP never delivers."

"""Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals!"" Hitler: ""Mine fewer then"" Reddit: ""I did **not see** that coming"" EDIT: Shit, I didn't get that Reich at all"

"Don't you just hate it when you BP red wine on a white tablecloth? [New verb. Make it so.]"

"I removed Sean Connery's limbs & replaced them with Daniel Craig's arms & Pierce Brosnan's legs. They formed an unlikely Bond."

"How did the orphans in Oliver Twist communicate with each other? Through *more*se code!"

"What's the definition of endless love? A tennis match between Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder"