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Joke of the Day

"""Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals!"" Hitler: ""Mine fewer then"" Reddit: ""I did **not see** that coming"" EDIT: Shit, I didn't get that Reich at all"

"""I'm a people person."" - outgoing guy. ""I'm a geese goose."" - outgoing goose."

"I like my women like I like my coffee Finely ground and sealed in an air-tight container"

"""I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"""

"When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a ""mean drunk"" or a ""happy drunk."" Gets me out of it every time."

"Where do post go when they die in Reddit? Everywhere else."

"There better be a martial arts tournament in Australia called Mortal Wombat"

"Instagram before the foods goes in, Twitter when the food goes out."

"Opinions are like mixtapes... I don't want to hear yours."

"Research shows your medication is 879% more effective if you drink a 6 pack and a bottle of wine first. Also, I changed my name to Research."