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Joke of the Day

"[""Platonic"" male friend rams car through my bedroom wall] I heard you broke up with your girl. You ok? Ready to give men a try now?????????"

"What's the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea? I've never had a lima bean on my chest"

"Putting a light in the refrigerator is God's way of telling us that it's okay to eat before going to bed."

"I phoned the police. I said, ""A girl is being raped in the park!"" He said, ""You're going to need to be more specific than that."" I said, ""You kinky bastard."""

"Q: Have you seen the new Barbie Doctor doll? A: You wind her up, and she operates on batteries."

"Why can't single women fart? They don't get an asshole till they get married."

"Whiteboards are remarkable"

"What do you call a dinosaur with herpes? ...a Cankersaurus!"

"What is the one thing you don't want to hear during sex? Honey, I'm home!"

"Last night, my Chevy was bitten by a vampire. Now it's Vlad the Impala."