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Joke of the Day

"I cheated on my girlfriend once We were playing monopoly and while she wasn't looking I took some of her money. Then I went upstairs and fucked her sister."

"I just went to a very emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers."

"My buddy tells me he doesn't take criticism too well. I told him he should really work on that."

"Anyone else here able to spell ""condescending narcissist"" correctly on the first try? Yeah, I didn't think so."

"How do you call sons of australians and germans? Men at Work"

"I like jokes that don't take long to read."

"STDs are like sweets.... I enjoy giving them to little children"

"Why do fat people say they have to start eating right? They've obviously mastered the art of chewing and swallowing."

"One day I'm going to cure blindness... You'll see. You'll all see!"

"""hello 9-1-1 whats your emergency?"" hi yes it's me again i left the house 3 min ago but just realized i forgot my headphones"