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Joke of the Day

"[driving 2 school] *looks back,sees toothbrushes in child carseats WAIT! IF YOU'RE HERE THEN... [cut to kids at home, covered in toothpaste]"

"Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? - Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you."

"Why did darren willson quickscope michael brown? He was black."

"I'll tell you what is bordering on the ridiculous... Canada."

"When a cop tells you to ""spread 'em"" he is not flirting. I know this now."

"A buddy of mine quit his job at the paper mill, He said the conditions were tearable."

"""If you can't beat them, join them,"" I say, as I join my kids in demanding someone make breakfast."

"Called to my managers office today He said ""you can't wear pyjamas to work you idiot!"" I replied "" everyone else does though"" He replied ""THEIR PATIENTS"""

"If your man keeps cheating on you with the same woman, humble yourself and go ask her for advice."

"Paint thinner? Bullshit. Been painting myself with it all week. Still fat."