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Joke of the Day

"What do you call two crows? Attempted murder."

"Why can the Cornish always lend a hand? They probably have a spare."

"Imagine going to a theater in 1765 to see Mozart play symphony number 30 but as soon as he starts playing, the bass drops and people go nuts"

"Omg, autocorrect! For the millionth time, I don't hate all those birches..."

"Why didn't Donald Trump want to play Marco Polo? He was at Rubio's house and was worried he'd get Cruzed."

"My girlfriend is ridiculously good at deepthroating... It's actually not that great because she only gets to do it when she cheats on me with black guys."

"What do you call a gay guy who gives blowjobs? A butt-head"

"I deserve an award for beating up a school shooter... I beat him up every day for nearly a year before he shot up the school."

"How do I explain to this bank teller than I'm just robbing her and not the bank?"

"If Samuel L. Jackson was a Knight He'd be Ye Olde Motherfucker"