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Joke of the Day

"I deserve an award for beating up a school shooter... I beat him up every day for nearly a year before he shot up the school."

"Sound smarter than you are: end words with ""eaux"" and sentences with ""if you will."" If you're pissed, ""quite frankly"" adds a nice touch."

"""I'm so pissed I could punch a ba-"" ""A what?"" Big Baby from Toy Story 3 hovers over me, sawed-off shotgun in hand. ""A bagel. I HATE carbs."""

"My girlfriend caught me masturbating to Michael Jackson. She asked what I was doing I told her to beat it."

"A man was in a supermarket.... and he saw a man. He went up to him and said ""I know you from somewhere, are you famous?"" The man replies ""no no no... I'm famYOU""."

"Side effects may include: upset stomach, diarrhea, some wolves will chase you, like 6-12 wolves, it's ok"

"What's a communists favourite sporting event? Commonwealth Games"

"When you say ""liar liar pants on fire,"" it makes you a liar too. Their pants probably aren't on fire"

"A masochist and a sadist are having an argument. The masochist says, ""Whip me! Whip me! Beat me! Beat me!"" The sadist says, ""No."""

"I wish Laffy Taffy made a more modestly wrapped version for funerals and other occasions where laffing isn't appropriate."