202549

Joke of the Day

"I ordered the Club Salad for lunch.. I asked waitress ""What all comes in the club salad?"" She said ""Lettuce, turnip, the beat"""

"What's the new French flag look like? A white cross emblazoned on a white background!"

"What do people say when they hear about the assassin from Wales? Welsh-hitman!"

"HER: your phone is exacerbating our problems *i pick up my phone* HER: your behavior is untenable ""hold on I'm still googling exacerbate"""

"I ran into the back of a dwarf's car. He said he wasn't happy. I said ""Well which one are you?"""

"There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka."

"At some point I really want to manage a Wal-mart in Texas. I want to be a Texas Chain Store Manager."

"Why did the Agnostic cross the road? We don't have enough evidence to say for sure."

"I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?"

"I asked to switch seats because there was a god damn SCREAMING infant next to me, and I couldn't sleep. They told me no. Apparently you're not allowed to move away from your own child."