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Joke of the Day

"This is a math joke So x^2 goes to a x^3 and asks, do you believe in god. For a moment the x^3 pauses before responding, you know what, I do believe in higher powers."

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"Old folks use to poke me at weddings and say your next so... I started doing it back to them...at funerals. "
"[wife frantically searching the house] Have you seen the kids, I've looked everywhere [me napping on couch] OMG HOW LONG HAVE WE HAD KIDS"
"Q: What kind of television do horses like? A: Saddle-lite TV"
"Telemarketer: Are you a homeowner? Me: How big are your lips? Telemarketer: .... Me: Your lips. Are they huge? *click*"
"What's a cow's favorite form of entertainment? The moovies"
"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches."
"Why are poodles suspicious of strangers? Because they're afraid of running into a poodaphile."
"Doctors say that one piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off of your life. That has to be most delicious form of suicide I have ever heard."
"Henry Tudor: ""I'm going to build a car park in the centre of Leicester."" Richard III: ""Over my dead body."""