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Joke of the Day

"If money can't buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?"

"what's the difference between reddit and 9gag? A week"

"What does Captain Falcon say when he goes to Starbucks? ""Show me your brews!"""

"I lost both my hands in a car crash... But there is a silver lining somewhere. I just can't put my finger on it."

"Archaeologists have discovered a mummy in Egypt encased in chocolate and surrounded by hazelnuts They are calling it ""The Pharaoh Rocher"""

"Don't send an email if you're angry. Wait a while. Have a couple of drinks. Get yourself really worked up. And then send it."

"*Lysol kills 99.9% of germs on my counter* LYSOL: ""Hey .1% germs... ( -_-)>- (_) Tell your friends"""

"What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph, cause they're to short to be an essay!!!"

"It's cruel that people make fun of the way Stephen Hawking talks. I use one of those voice boxes myself and can synthesise with him."

"When I was a child I could go into a shop with just a pound, and come out with 3 bars of chocolate, 2 cans of coke and a magazine. But these days, fucking CCTV everywhere."