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Joke of the Day

"Me: I have a secret *I take off my wig* Her: I don't care still I love you *I smile, take off my bald cap* Me: you passed the final test"

"How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb? 13, 1 to actually do it and the other 12 talk about how much better they could have done it."

"How did the girl end up with ninja jizz on her face? she didn't see him coming"

"How do you get an elephant across a busy freeway? take the 'f' out of free and the 'f' out of way..."

"Just ordered a non-fat pumpkin spice latte & now I drive a Prius & am a Zumba instructor."

"Why did balloon prices keep rising? Because they had to adjust for inflation."

"What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the dock."

"[job interview] Him: What's your greatest strength? Me: I'm very independent. Him: ... Me: ... Him: ... Me: Tell him, Mom. Mom: He is!"

"""Girl, your rhinestone encrusted flip phone tricked me into thinking you were a princess!"" - No one ever"

"Anyone who says time flies, has obviously never been on a treadmill."